This may need an explanation. The dead are notorious for not saying much. The reason for this, I've learned recently, is that they are only allowed a certain number of syllables in a given day. Strike that. They are only allowed a certain number of distinct syllables in a given day. That number is five.

So a ghost can say things like "Beware of Marge" a thousand times over, but cannot say things like "Beware of Marjorie", or "Beware of Marge's Herpes", even once, despite what the movies say.

As I am sure you are aware, film critic Gene Siskel died several years ago. I am also sure you know that film critic Richard Roeper is a zombie, and is therefore, technically, dead. Most media frown upon film reviews that contain a maximum of five syllables, so both the Ghost of Siskel and the Zombie Roeper have, as of late, not had an outlet. Yodelling Llama, being both understanding and without a great deal of content, stepped up to the plate and offered both dead film critics a forum in which to post their new reviews. So, without further adieu, I present Siskel & Roeper's

Five Fingered Film Fawn & Flak

by gene siskel and richard roeper