London Bombing Death Toll Rises to 53

by christopher taylor

LONDON--Authorities refused to released the name of the fifty-third victim of the July 7th terrorist attacks, but did confirm the individual in question did in fact attempt to prevent the bombings by inventing and using a time-traveling device.

The failed hero, an Indian-born theoretical physicist and engineer, crafted the machine during the Summer of 2008 while on sabbatical from the Department of Physics at King's College London, according to James Hart, commissioner of the City of London police.

"He had taken the precaution of telling himself of the actions he intended to take on Wednesday," explained Hart. "So we know exactly who he was and what his intentions were."

The unidentified anti-terrorism vigilante reportedly planned to remove the explosive devices from King's Cross Station, where the death toll was highest. If that worked, he planned to repeat the process until the entire attack was avoided.

"Apparently, something went wrong," Ken Livingstone said, the mayor of London.

Livingstone urged the public to leave terrorism prevention to the authorities, using Victim #53 as an example of why.

"If everyone tried to stop the terrorists individually, everyone would end up dying at the terrorists' hands," Livingstone emphasized. "And we wouldn't want that, now would we?"