Pier 1 To Sell "Brandles" Brand Tallow Candles, Made from Marlon Brando's Bloated Corpse

by christopher taylor

FORT WORTH, TX--Pier 1 Imports announced that, to commemorate the death of acting legend Marlon Brando, it would start selling tallow candles made from the actor's ample frame, branded "Brandles."

"We just wanted to do something to note the passing of such a great actor," Pier 1 CEO Marvin J. Girouard said. "We thought that because on screen, Brando brought light into the hearts and minds of people the world over, in his death, Brando should bring light into the homes of those same people."

Pier 1 expects sales to be brisk. "People love Marlon Brando, and people love candles," noted Pier 1's Executive VP of Marketing, Phil E. Schneider. "And thanks to years of overeating, there should be plenty Brando to go around."