John Hancock Arrested for Signing Declaration of Independence

by christopher taylor

WASHINGTON, DC--Refrigerator repairman John Hancock was arrested Friday for breaking into the Library of Congress after hours and signing the Declaration of Independence.

"We caught him red-handed," stated Metro Police Chief Charles H. Ramsey. "He used a red crayon."

"It is going to take millions of dollars to repair this document," Librarian of Congress James H. Billington said. "While the restoration is going on, we'll be suspending use of the library and all rights arising from the documents therein."