Terrorists Eligible for Visa Waiver Program

Ridge, "Oops", Fluke Renders New US-VISIT Biometrics Program Useless

by christopher taylor

WASHINGTON, DC--Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge apologized today when it was discovered that the 27 "Western European" countries exempt from the new biometrics identification procedures at U.S. entry-points were in fact countries known to harbor terrorists.

"What can I say? We screwed up royally," Ridge said. "I know that Indonesia shouldn't be on the list. I know Pakistan shouldn't be on the list. Lord knows Afghanistan shouldn't be on the list. The original list included Monaco and Liechtenstein. I gather one of our secretaries crossed certain countries off, believing them to be joke entries, and replaced them with countries he'd heard of. Oops."

Terrorists organizations were reportedly "excited" by the gaff. "When I first heard they put in this new, expensive system that forces people entering the U.S. to identify themselves using physical characteristics unique to an individual, I almost called off my plans to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge. But then I heard Syria is on the list of exempt countries. Whoopee!