Lazy Eye Attacks Chicago

Lena Olin, Forest Whitaker Wanted For Questioning

by christopher taylor

CHICAGO--A lazy eye attacked Chicago yesterday evening, crumbling the foundations of several buildings and raising the city's murder rate to a solid first place.

"We are not certain at this time to whom the lazy eye belongs," stated Chicago Superintendent of Police Philip J. Cline. "We have a list of suspected owners, including actress Lena Olin, actor Forest Whitaker, and this girl I knew in high school, Melissa Gertz."