Elizabeth Smart Not Smart

by max smart

SALT LAKE CITY--Teachers of the infamous Utah kidnappee Elizabeth Smart, fresh off a soft-ball piece with hard-hitting reporter Oprah Winfrey, unanimously described the jail bait as possessing a less-than-stellar intellect in a news conference yesterday.

"Man, that girl is abnormally stupid. You think forgetting who her parents was something? You should see her last paper. She misspelled 'molestation' fourteen times. In three different ways," commented Elizabeth's current English teacher and lover.