Eli Lilly Introduces Oral Contraceptive

"No More Blow-Job Pregnancies"

by christopher taylor

INDIANAPOLIS, IN--Forty-three years after the introduction of Enovid ®, Eli Lilly and Company announced the completion of an oral contraceptive that will "prevent fellatio-related pregnancies" in women.

"This is a monumental breakthrough," gushed National Organization of Women President Kim Gandy. "No longer will teenage girls giving hummers to their boyfriends have to worry about getting knocked-up. Women are truly free today."

"Now we just have to get Federal funding," Gandy added.