Noelle Bush Steps On Crack Again

Mother Columba Bush Breaks Back Again

by christopher taylor

ORLANDO, FL--Deja vu struck yesterday when guards in the Orange County Jail found roughly fourteen pounds of crack cocaine in the left shoe of Noelle "Derberry" Bush, the troubled daughter of Florida Governor Jeb Bush and niece of U.S. President George W. Bush. Noelle Bush was in the process of serving ten days in jail for a similar crack-in-shoe incident while in rehab earlier this year.

Also yesterday, Columba Bush, wife of Jeb and mother of Noelle, snapped her spine after falling off a ladder. She suffered only minor injury to her spinal column as a result of the accident, and is expected to walk again "before her brother-in-law's presidency is complete, assuming his reelection bid is successful," according to Tallahassee Community's Doctor Ludwig Von Trapp.

"The recovery situation would be easier to read if this were the first time this has happened," claimed Von Trapp. "But Columba [Bush] came in several months ago with a hairline fracture to one of her vertebrae, and how that will affect her prognosis, we really cannot say."

"We're looking into whether Noelle possessed the crack not for recreational use, but for murder," commented Orlando Police Chief McGruff. "If so, she'll be released at once."