Buzz Buzzes Buzzards

by bea arthur

POMONA, CA--Just two weeks after reportedly punching a moon-landing-related conspiracy theorist, Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin flew a retired Sabre jet close to a group of turkey vultures near Los Angeles, dispersing the raptors. Said Aldrin's lawyer, Robert O'Brien, of the event, "[the buzzards] had him up against a wall and was not letting him pass." The Pomona police have declined to press charges.