Carrey & Carey Carry Carrie

by the decomposing body of cary grant

HOLLYWOOD--MGM Studios announced last Friday the January release of the long awaited remake of Carrie, featuring Jim Carrey and Drew Carey. The film, adapted for the screen by source author Stephen King, upset by Lawrence D. Cohen's "butchering of [his] novel" for the 1976 Brian De Palma film, is said to take a very different path than its forebear.

"Rather than concentrate on the trials and tribulations of an innocent young girl, as seen through the eyes of a pair of dirty old men," mused King, "I thought we should concentrate on the trials and tribulations of an innocent young girl, as portrayed by a pair of dirty old men."

Carrey and Carey both play the role of Carrie White, alternating scenes.

Back from retirement after a twenty-year hiatus, director Billy Wilder says he is excited by the prospect of such an ambitious undertaking. "The approach that MGM suggested for this picture represents a definite departure from the usual remake."

Wilder was not initially pleased by the casting choice, stating, "I wanted to get Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, but they told me that both had died recently," but became overjoyed with both Carey and Carrey's performances. "These two are clearly some of the greatest actors of the modern day."

"I thought the role would be something of stretch for me at first," quivered Carey. "But as soon as I donned the pink prom dress for the 'kill everyone' scene, I knew how to make it work. I was Carrie White that day."

Carrey was not at all nervous about playing Carrie. "After Andy Kaufman, I believe I can play anything," ejaculated Carrey. He wasn't, however, too pleased with his "low screen time". "Apparently, these people were under the impression that I would settle for less-than-total saturation. We soon fixed that," gloated Carrey. Carrey reportedly appears in just under ninety-five percent of the film.

"We put him in a partially ajar locker. We placed him atop the Snell house. We even had him playing teen heartthrob Tommy Ross in certain shots," admitted Wilder. "We had to be creative to meet Jim's demands. But it was worthwhile, naturally."

Carrie is set to be released on January 25th, 2002.