Julie Hagerty Is A Vegetarian Fox

by ted striker

"I was watching Airplane the other day when I realized that Julie Hagerty is a vegetarian fox," I replied to my penis. "She has all the aura and mystique of a true fox, but she lacks the raw aggressive sexuality and, more importantly, isn't very attractive. Now I'll admit that there are some underattractive, even heinous actresses that can pull off the traditional vulpine carnivore role to a tee. Michelle Pfeiffer, for example. Or Fran Drescher in a non-speaking role. But don't you think it is odd that people throughout the country reportedly masturbate to scantily clad pictures of Julie Hagerty every day?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say something?" my penis responded after ejaculating on to a copy of Lost in America.