Top Ten Reasons Why I "Steal" Music

by christopher taylor

1. The compact disc wrappers are too difficult to remove.
2. The Record Store is not willing to barter.
3. The Recording Industry owes me for spotting 'em at dinner last week.
4. The Record Store repeatedly fails to open a branch in my basement.
5. The Recording Artists constantly disappoint.
6. The Record Store sold me an "audio tape" many years ago, and the Electronics Store laughs at me when I request a device capable of playing it.
7. The Recording Industry constantly laughs at my tiny genitalia.
8. The Record Store insists upon selling me records, despite the fact that my turntable met with a sledgehammer-related accident (involving the Hardware Store product, not the Peter Gabriel song).
9. The Recording Artists perform better when hungry.
10. Paying for shitty songs is not an "exciting experiment".