Sense Made of Cum Guzzlers Condition

Or, A Teenage Guide to Popularity...and Hummers

by patrick "don't just stare at it; eat it" bateman

I'd often wondered how it is that certain people can stand to eat semen. Every time I've tried to suck cock, I've gagged at the moment of truth. The love juice that emerges is too viscous, too sticky, and smells and tastes really, really bad. But certain individuals actually savor the flavor.

I think I've got it figured out. Lets compare penis paste with vomit for a moment. Under normal circumstances, most people cannot stand within a few meters of vomit. When it is coming out of your own mouth, you feel absolutely miserable, often feel the need to vomit again, and will want to put quite a bit of distance between it and you as soon as your stomach has stopped turning over. When it is coming out of one of your friends, the expulsions take on an even more repulsive tone. They might have been better off shitting themselves if they want a kind word and some comfort.

But when consumed by the all-consuming power of alcohol, the situation seems different. When completely shitfaced, a person will vomit to feel better. And will, if not too inebriated, be perfectly capable of cleaning-up after herself. The puke just doesn't seem that bad when drunk. The situation becomes even clearer when considering others. If you are drunk, you'll comfort your projectile vomiting friend, even in close quarters with the emissions. You might be slightly unnerved by the filthiness of it all, but it will not take on anything close to the same repugnant quality.

So back to spooge. Try to think about when you or your loved one can stomach the ejaculatory fluid. When is it? Give up? When they are extremely aroused, of course.

When an individual is really, really horny (the replacement for alcohol in the example at hand), the offensiveness of semen becomes almost negligible. You can start to ignore its repugnance and appreciate its finer qualities.

So when your significant other gags on your cum, it merely means that they are not aroused enough. Try flashing them more. Or doing a little dance. Or playing Barry White. Or even Nada Surf. Whatever works. Get them really randy, and they'll do just about anything. Even enjoy the taste of your one-eyed monster's saliva.

And be sure to wash your hair every two weeks. Once every two weeks.