News Satire Archive

From 2001 to 2005, Yodelling Llama was primarily a news satire site. You can read more about the history of Yodelling Llama, or you read the archive of stories, organized chronologically below. Enjoy.

2006

N.J. Supreme Court Moves U.S. Closer to Bradgelina Wedding

Introducing Absolut Junipar

2005

Marriage of Ham Actors Attended by Ham Actors

Netanyahu Bet on Yahoo!

Ex-Marine’s Discharge Yellow, Honorable

Countesses Count Esses

Local Woman Gets Down Off Soapbox, Builds Racer

London Bombing Death Toll Rises to 53

Law Professor Alfred Yankovic Pens Outkast Parody

Local Man Assaults and Batters Husband, Chicken

Local Cow “Mad as Hell,” “Not Going to Take This Anymore”

Another Downing Street Memo Surfaces
Blair Expresses Concerns over Live 8’s Snub of Spice Girls

God Attempts Suicide with Occam’s Razor

Homeland Security Secretary Chertoff Dons Shirt

Sith Opens To Rave Reviews, Lackluster Box Office

Ben Folds Five Times

US Treasury To Remove “In God We Trust” from Currency, Replace with “In Blank We Trust”

English Professor Gives Up, Admits “They” Acceptable Third-Person Singular Pronoun

Baskin Dunkin Wins Togo Presidency

Tiger, Woods Assault Elin Nordegren

Philadelphia Beckons Black Hats, Indigent Computer Owners

Congress Requires Hackers to Label Viruses

Pope Delays Death By Day to Encourage Hoaxless News Coverage

Terri Schiavo Awakens, Slaps Sen. Martinez, Returns to Bed

Peter Jackson to Cast Giant Sea Monkey as King Kong

Rice Rules Out Presidency
“Being Likeable Is Hard Work”

Judge Hires Assassin to “Get on TV”

Tupac Accepts Posthumous Oscar

Flavor Chemists: Where Are US Subsidies for Ethyl Vanillin?

Thousands of Iraqis Contract AIDS from Blue Finger Dye

Iraqis Elect James Madison to Head Constitutional Congress

Gonzales Plans to Stop DOJ’s Kitten Burning Policy

Local Hermit Confused by Bush Inauguration
“Where’s President Howard Dean?”

2004

Suicide Note Found at Mosul Blast Site

Local Man So Hungry, Eats Horse

Suicidal Man Takes Vioxx, Celebrex, Failure

Yushchenko Poisons Self To Improve Complexion

Nebraska Arts Council: “We’re Not Square”

Jesus Drowns

Local Man Contracts Cancer for Fab Wigs

Ol’ Dirty Bastard Takes Place as God of Underworld in Egyptian Pantheon

Cuckolded Phish Fan Sleeps Diagonal in His Bed

Bush: “Kerry” Is Osama Bin Laden in Rubber Mask

Al-Zarqawi’s Collection of Heads Grows

Local Man Elicits Laughs By Mispronouncing “Nefertiti”

Local Woman Surprised, Disgusted Apple Juice, Not Urine, Dripping from Toilet Seat

Registered Protesters Protest Protest Registration

Scientists Isolate Quasi-virus “Spermazoa,” Linked to STD “Pregnancy”

Local Man Fights Ent Porn
“Naughty, Knotty Pics Threaten Christians, Americans”

Kansas to Ban Sterile Marriage

Lara Flynn Boyle Beheaded!
Scottish Tourists Enraged by Butchered Macbeth

Nellie McKay To Cover N.W.A.’s “Fuck tha Police” As Love Ballad

Unlucky South African Contracts AIDS After Eating Raped Infant

Kerry Taps “Pretty Boy” Edwards

Pier 1 To Sell “Brandles” Brand Tallow Candles, Made from Marlon Brando’s Bloated Corpse

Man Walks 500 Miles, Refuses to Walk 500 More

Country Still “Under God,” According to Supremes

Only Fat People Drive Cars, Study Finds

Tavis Smiley Frowns

Clumping Litter Clumps

John Hancock Arrested for Signing Declaration of Independence

Lawyer Sues Newborn Daughter

Geo Tracker Tows Geo Tracker

Dried Ice Cream Is A Reality

Pontius Pilates Heckles Mel Gibson

Victoria’s Secret Revealed: “You Have Pubic Lice!”

Stupid Motherfucker Parks Too Close to Hydrant, Corner

They Might Be Giants Might Be Giants

MGM Grand to Produce “Babes on Ice”, “Babes in Air”
Concepts: “Graceful Glaciers,” “Fatty Acrobatty”

Kyle Gass, Lance Bass Form *ND

Tabloid Reveals MLK White

James Taylor Sees Fire, Rain

Local Man Buys Line, Oral

Identical Cousins Pronounce Grey Poupon “Gray Poop-On”

Former Attorneys General’s Former Attorneys General

Terrorists Eligible for Visa Waiver Program
Ridge, “Oops”, Fluke Renders New US-VISIT Biometrics Program Useless

White Stuff Blankets Town

Lazy Eye Attacks Chicago
Lena Olin, Forest Whitaker Wanted For Questioning

New Year’s Eve Doom Materializes
Ridge, “Heightened Security Justified”

2003

Poets Embrace Reznor

“French-looking” John Kerry not French, French-looking

Non-Jewish Son-in-Law Refers to Christmas as “Day 6, Chanukah 2003″
Non-Jewish Family Amused, Offended

Brawny Brain Brains Brainy Braun

Sally the Cum Dumpster Sleeps in a Dumpster

Michael Moore to Produce Pets or Meat 2: Dachshund Inna Bun

Overconfident 1L Fails

P&G Announces “Tartar Control Crest Fish Sticks”

Small Man Buys Large Car

Elizabeth Smart Not Smart

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Exposed To Ooze, Become Nihilists

Bright Bright Brightened Brite

Concertgoer Cannot Believe Radiohead Did Not Play “Creep”

Eli Lilly Introduces Oral Contraceptive
“No More Blow-Job Pregnancies”

Local Man Complains “No Dancing” At Political Party

General Mills To Produce “Liponacl” Brand Atkins-Friendly Snacks

Gray Davis Has Gray Hair

Gardener “Likes to Watch TV”
American Federation of Gardeners Against Television Stunned

Date Dater Dates Dater

ATF Becomes ATFF; Fertilizer Deemed “Useless, Except To Terrorists”, Banned

Mario Cantone Adds Diane Rehm To Repertoire
Cantone: “Rehm Just a Politicized Hepburn”

Orrin Hatch Wants To Destroy Your Computer!
Utah Senator Is Drafting Legislation Allowing “Hatchetmen” to Enter Your Home, Chop CPUs

Sing-a-long Apocalypse Now Opens in Atlanta

Cliff’s CliffsNotes Note Cliff’s Cliffs

Study: Watching Cigarette-Free Films May Lead To Loserville

Smith College Ditches Gender-Biased “She” for Gender-Neutral “He”

Michael Jackson Introduces Fourth Child: Kay Michael Aress Jackson I
KRS-One Sues

Local Man Sues “Upper Class” For Insurance Premium Increases

The The Had Had No “No Sex” Sex

Jenna Bush Disagrees, “A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush”

MARS (Not To Be Confused with SARS) Outbreak in Georgia

Pied Piper Pied Pipers

Local Man Kills God
Cites “Excessive Wind” and “Uneven Ground” in Justifiable Deicide Defense

Man Shoots Coworker, Face Due to Slow Computer

Susan Gonorrhea Hates Ellis Island, Irony

It Takes A Village To Raze Barn, Raise Bairn

Farrell Buys Pregnant Girlfriend a Plush Hollywood Home

Aging G-d Fails to Deliver on “Ten Plagues for the New Millennium”

Local Man Begrudgingly Plans to Exercise
“Running Isn’t Fun; Being Eaten by a Bear Is Less Fun”

Local Man Supports Troops, Glad Not A Troop

Danson & Astaire Switched At Birth

Bush Calls for Show of Cards

2002

Vatican Approves Sex Abuse

New “Bill & Ted” DVD Set’s Fourth Disc Has Odd, Not-So-Special Features

Noelle Bush Steps On Crack Again
Mother Columba Bush Breaks Back Again

Andruw Jones’ Spelling Errors Contribute to Braves Loss

Travolta Buys Silo Home
Wife Preston Plans to Fly Son Jett to Residence on Weekends, During Nuclear War

Buzz Buzzes Buzzards

Iraq Admits Inspectors; Demands U.S. Inspection, Disarmament
“We Have No ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’, Mr. Bush,” Cries Hussein. “Do You?”

Man to Sell “First Ernest Movie” on eBay
“Jim Varney Starz in The Importance of Being
Ernest in ‘65″ Cries Hawker

“Boo-Boo” Use Declines, “Owee” Inclines
“Coincidence?” Conspiracizes Scientific Community

Coke To Manufacture Motor Oil, Burnt Umber Cola

Superband “The Jacks” Announce Summer Tour
Not-So-Superband “Not The Jacks” Find Abandonment Issues, Scheduling Conflicts

Superbowl Ticket Winners Are Losers
Area Men Contract AIDS in Opie & Anthony “Good Ol’ Fashioned Puke-Eating Contest”

Blind Man Sees When Doctor Removes Burlap Sack

Masturbators Bait Masters Bayter

Serial Rapist Violates Blow-Up Doll

Newark Mayor Sharpe James Dyslexic

Catholic “Conspiracy” Abruptly Ends Chanukah

Barrymore & Green to Switch Names, Auction Testicle, As Part of Divorce Settlement

Tenacious D Fuck “Back Stage Betty” Betty Gently

Carrey & Carey Carry Carrie

2001

Gubernatorial Election Recount Favors Edgerton; Pundits Suicide En Masse

IHOP Dumps Coffee Early
Local Java Junkie Screams in Parking Lot

Yankee Fan with Irritable Bowel Syndrome Makes Mess

Contrary To Popular Belief, Psychos Do Explode When Sunlight Hits Them

“Was Not Was” Was Not Was Not Was

System’s Tankian Fails to Cry Not At Angels’ Undeserved Deaths

Demi Moore Wears Demi Bra

Night Monkeys Run Amok
Cages® Save Day

Monopoly Contains Real Money