Jan

31

Ill-conceived venture?

Filed Under Personal | 6 Comments

A few weeks ago, a friend telephoned to tell me she’s planning a trip from Alaska to San Jose toward the end of January. Being in Olympia, I wasn’t certain why she was telling me this, but I congratulated her anyway. Then came the relevance. Apparently, there is no direct flight from Juneau to San Jose. She was planning a stop in Seattle.

Now, because of traffic, Seattle ends up being about a two hour drive from Olympia. The last time she had a stop over in Seattle en route to somewhere about a year ago, I picked her up, drove her back to Olympia, hung out for a few hours, provided her a bed, then drove her back to the airport the next day. Good to see her, but sort of unpleasant because of the driving distance.

Her plan this time involved us getting a hotel room in Seattle, and partying hardy somewhere or other. For some reason, I agreed to this plan. Booked a room at the MarQueen. Found a show that looked interesting at the Sunset Tavern. [Maybe stop by Andrea's party?]

Then I noticed her flight wasn’t coming in until seven fifteen. In the PM. Which means, on the off chance that her flight is timely, and her bag disgorged from the plane with rapidity, and we rush sans traffic to the hotel, and speed walk to the closest acceptable restaurant, we’re not going to be dining until nineish. Being an elderly gentleman these days, I typically fall asleep around ten thirty. Those with whom I’ll be are in a similar predicament. So we’re going to have about an hour and a half of solid huzzah time before the sandman eats our brains. And most of that will be spent eating.

Question: do I force the merrymaking to extend into the wee hours with Red Bull and cocaine? Or do I recognize our limitations, and rightly dub this an ill-conceived venture?

Jan

29

Another Orange Julius.

Filed Under Broadcast Media | Leave a Comment

Shockingly, Free Radio Olympia frequently impresses. I wouldn’t have thought a pirate radio station that ignores my repeated requests to offer my considerable disc jockey-related skills, my considerable “lawyer man” skills, and embrace the lack of talent embodied by a certain local who’s name I’ll kindly omit for posterity, would be capable of impressing me in any recognizable respect. But here we are. Almost every single time I get bored with talky-talk-talk, and shun popular radio in favor of, well, something else musically-inclined, and end up spinning the dial and ending up on 98.5, frequency module. FRO.

The latest bout of impressibility? Playing the epic “Teeth Like God’s Shoeshine.” Then following it up with a song that very much sounded like a Mountain Goats that by all rights I ought to be embarrassed not to have recognized. Lovely.

Jan

29

Come on, Emma.

Filed Under Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Between two and four times per week, I am forced by way of employment to travel by Saturn roughly thirty miles to the “end of the line” port town that is Shelton, Washington. Which means, I suppose, that I end up consuming rather a lot of NPR. And, also, I end up regularly getting delayed behind people who do not seem to have mastered the basics of piloting automobiles. In response, rather than blow my savings on installing some sort of debilitating and cutting laser on my vehicle, I’ve taken to shouting. Shouting things like “come on, Emma.” Because I’m always inspired by elderly, broom-wielding individuals raging against machinery. Inspired to name all slow- or mal-functioning machinery “Emma.”

Jan

23

Walla Walla.

Filed Under Personal | 3 Comments

Whenever I think of Walla Walla, I think of the “funny place names” list that Krusty deploys at the Clown College in 2F12, which also included “Keokuk” and “Cucamonga,” and wrapped up with “Seattle.” Which makes me think of “Bobby Sherman.” In any event, I’m daring the pass today to visit a friend I haven’t seen for some months in Borneo. In Borneo.

Jan

21

Let’s try this again…

Filed Under Personal | 1 Comment

After a couple of month lull, I’m finally back to kicking it at the gym, with nothing but Carl Douglas and the latest Wired to sustain me.

[Note: by "kicking" I mean "pumping"; by "it" I mean "my legs"; by "couple of"; I mean "eight"; and by "gym," I mean "pornography store".]

Jan

20

President Obama.

Filed Under Politics | 5 Comments

Feels pretty good to write that. So good, I might mosey on down to The Vault and raise a glass.

Jan

18

Pinochle.

Filed Under Gaming, Olympia, Personal | Leave a Comment

Meetup is an odd thing, isn’t it? Sometimes you’ll find a dozen and a half people, who purport to be interested in the same subject matter–e.g. silent films, lowland hikes, bowling, Ron Paul–all located within a fairly short distance of your house. And sometimes you’ll organize or attempt to attend a particular get together, and of those dozen and a half people, only one or two people will show up. And other times, you’ll get something approaching 100% response rate, with 50% attendance. I have yet to detect what sort of factors make for a successful meetup.

Last Spring, a pinochle-related meetup formed in Olympia. I promptly joined. After all, I have a longstanding love affair with cards, and have missed it since the Pine Cone pinochle parties of 2005-6. Months passed with no word. Eventually, in December four of us met at a clubhouse in a housing development on the road toward Boston Harbor. Good time. Partner play, with odd scoring rules. But good time.

Shortly after the holidays, I prompted the organizer to set up another game. Offered my house. Eight people RSVP’d yes. Seven people actually turned up. Another good time. Again, odd scoring rules, with other long-time players thrown off. Need standardization. So I’m going to put my standardized rules here, for posterity:

Re meld: Run (A10KQJ) in trump is 15. AAAA (aces around, i.e. one in each suit) is 10. KKKK is 8. QQQQ is 6. JJJJ is 4. Pinochle (QS & JD) is 4. Double pinochle is 30. Marriage (KQ in same suit) is 2. Marriage in trump is 4. 9 of trump is 1. All the aces is 100. All the kings is 80. All the queens is 60. All the jacks is 40. No bigamy in runs (i.e. don’t get to count marriage within run if meld run and don’t get to use king or queen in melded run as one leg of a marriage).

Re play: start with bid/last trick winner, moving clockwise until all four have played for each trick. Must play in suit if possible. Must beat trick, including with trump, if possible. 1 point for each A, 10, and K taken, and an additional point for taking the last trick, for a total of 25 points.

Bid as a team for meld plus play. Winning team exchanges 3 cards. No pass backs. Trump named before exchange. Bidding starts to left of dealer; if no bids, dealer stuck with bid. Opening bid/stuck bid set at 25. If don’t make bid, down by bid only. If don’t take trick during play, lose meld. If stuck with bid, do have opportunity to throw in early (i.e. before meld counted).

Does any of this sound familiar? Or do I play weird? [By the by, anyone who wants can join the meetup.]

Jan

14

Paraphernalia.

Filed Under Law | Leave a Comment

Take a look at RCW 69.50.412(1):

It is unlawful for any person to use drug paraphernalia to plant, propagate, cultivate, grow, harvest, manufacture, compound, convert, produce, process, prepare, test, analyze, pack, repack, store, contain, conceal, inject, ingest, inhale, or otherwise introduce into the human body a controlled substance. Any person who violates this subsection is guilty of a misdemeanor.

As a criminal defense attorney regularly practicing in Washington in a court of limited jurisdiction, I frequently see criminal citations that refer to the above-quoted statute as “possession of drug paraphernalia.” That is, the citing officer–oddly enough, in Washington, we allow arresting officers to make charging decisions–alleges an individual committed a crime by possessing drug paraphernalia. Which, as you can read above, is not actually what that statute defines as a misdemeanor. Rather, it’s against the law to use drug paraphernalia.

Now you may be thinking this is nitpickery. But I also happen to know that the date of the incident in question is an element of the crime. So to prove that a person committed the above-described crime, the prosecutor must prove that “on or about January 15, 2009, in Fuckall County, Washington, the defendant used drug paraphernalia to…inhale…a controlled substance.” That this defendant used this pipe on this date. Which means, unless I miss my mark, unless the citing officer can testify he saw the arrestee torch and breathe, the prosecutor will never be able to prove this particular crime.

This line of reasoning has brought me quite a bit of success. But it has its limits. Because in that laundry list of verbs–of things one might use drug paraphernalia for–are the words “pack, repack, store, contain, [and] conceal.” The words preceding this string have to do with manufacture. The words succeeding this string have to do with “introducing into the human body.” But this string contains some troubling words indeed. Like “contain.” If you’ve got a pipe that has some residue therein, and its of testable quantity, aren’t you using that pipe to “contain” that residue? And isn’t that residue “a controlled substance”?

Hmm…

Jan

11

New phone.

Filed Under Science & Technology | Leave a Comment

Got me a new mobile. An LG Decoy. The one with the built-in Bluetooth headset. After my old Motorola clunker, with its heaviness and its tendency to change ring types from sitting in my pocket, I’m a little enamored. But the interface will take a little getting used to.

Jan

10

Gone skiing.

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Now that the floodwaters have receded, and the sky has turned a lovely shade of light gray, it seems likely I shall strap a couple of boards to my feet and glide, glide, glide.

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